Archive for the ‘Arms reaching upwards..’ Category

As Autumn leaves begin to fall my mind begins to clear. I find myself in a space and time of reflection, of love, of joy and purpose.

The hot summer months have rolled slowly by as I have re-grouped and refreshed myself… my spirit. Long days of contemplation, pain, agony, uncertainty and bewilderment are almost gone. And NOW; I’m beginning to feel that old friend of refreshment. Seeking the “light” once again, and it feels wonderful!
Today, I will tread the waters of love and compassion. I will share with the world the joy that comes with peace; I will enhance my heart with loving others.
I will allow those that want to love me to love me. I will gratefully accept the gifts of friendship and relationship. Today will be filled with the simple joys of giving…… giving a little to help a little.
As I look around I see love in the eyes of the lonely as well as love the action of those that choose to love unconditionally.
I see people sharing a cigarette or a light with someone because that is all they want. I see food being shared, I see love being expressed, I see the “oneness” of us all.
I feel the breath of life in all that is good and wonderful. I see me, walking my journey of life, knowing full well that this is not the end, that this is only a brief journey of the life of my soul; your and mine.


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Will I ever… ever get out of this funk?! I have no passion, no drive, no future visions. Do I need drugs, a therapist, a kick in the ass? Every day seems as bad as the last one. I try.. I really do. I’ve been dating, I’ve been “getting out there”, I been trying to find my place again… I wonder if there is a place.. a place of joy and contentment? My life is a whirlwind of ups and downs, more down than up. What is wrong with me and more importantly, HOW DO I FIX IT? I try to garden, I try to write (only when I need to release my sadness). I try to go dancing, I seek to find a “something” that will bring me some passion and zest for life… nothing.. no THING.
Nobody I’ve went out with fits the bill. Nobody gives me a spark.. no one gets me excited and in a place of wanting to be with them. Where have I gone…how do I find me again?

Am I; for the rest of my life to feel this anguish? Will I ever be “happy” like I used to be? How do you MAKE yourself move on? How do you find the push you need? Do I just need to walk this path and let it unfold with no effort of mine? Can you FIX something when you don’t know how? Do you punt your way through each day of your life hoping to find that spiritual enlightenment that will make it all come together? Do you just wake up one day and say… TA DA.. it’s a new day and it’s all over now? Do you finally fall out of love, one day you awake and the world is bright and beautiful again? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN – WILL IT HAPPEN?

I’m so angry with ME ‘cause I can’t get a grip on ME. I’m so frustrated because I KNOW how it’s supposed to be, how I’m supposed to be! This is NOT me…. Or is it? Is this whom I have become.. is the “me” for the rest of my life? Some poor romantic, loving only one.. one she can’t have? Will I go to my grave like many have; lost in a sea of what could have beens’? Destined to live my life alone.. because I can’t have the one I want. Because that “one” has died from my life? What ta hell is wrong with me?

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Funny how things unravel the way they do.  I had a client a week or so ago, she came in not knowing for sure if she wanted a massage, Reiki or a EFT. We talked for a moment or two and within just those few moments she revealed that when she was young she had been molested. I’ve heard this story far to often.  Her tears flowed like a slow summer nights rain. Down her cheeks, onto her neck and softly hitting her chest. This was the very first time in these forty plus years that she has ever..ever, spoken to anyone about this.  The release she shared was extraordinary! The untold secret had found a release, a place safe and wholesome and free.  What an amazing blessing she gave ME, from within the depths of her soul. We talked for a long time, did some EFT and then finished with a Reiki session. When she left, not only did feel better, but she actually “looked” different. Not just lighter.. but physically she looked different.

The sacred trinity had completed it calling. Source Energy, the spirit within her, that same spirit within me worked together again to form that strong braid of completeness.

I’m sure her journey is now just beginning. I’m sure she will now be open to the oneness within us all that reaches far beyond the surface into that blessed space we call heart.

I am filled with gratitude for this opportunity to share in sacred oneness, for this opportunity to say… ” I help because you are holy”. Namaste.

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In the morning wake up hours; I seek peace, for each of us. I look towards the sky, and its gray hues with wonder of what’s beyond. I look for what is beyond you and me, what lies below the surface of our mind, our doing-ness, our fears. In both places I see the face of love, just love me she says, except me, he pleads.  “Forgive” us they beg, as they reach towards to heavens in awe and reverence. Let us touch the face of joy, let us feel that place beyond this world, just for an instant, let us hang onto just a fragment of the great I AM.  And there, like a blessed answered prayer, we find that place.. it was only dusty, covered in the yuck of life….it was there all the time, it never left.  Right there in a unique place called “my heart”. What a beautiful wonder to connect once again to that source within! I see you have taken a moment to connect too.. wonderful.

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Here I am, still trying to unravel the days of my life.  It seems sometimes to be a futile cause.  One moment I’m ok, the next I’m a mess.  Wish I has a switch to flip.. a toggle of some kind.  I’d love to be able to turn it off.

Been going to UNITY the past few Sundays. Can’t make myself call it church. It’s a place of love, compassion, nonjudgment and reassuaance of your ok-ness.  I find it feeds my spirit, feeds my need to find my way back home to the source that lies within me. Church was  never like that for me.

Finding my way back home…humm… now there is a satement of knowing.  By  knowing that I have to find my way back home, that tells me I’ve been lost.  Lost is a sea of emotion, floundering in the depths of uncertainty. Grasping to the side of a mountain, holding on yet losing my grip….hell… lost my grip.

It’s time to climb to the top… seek that place of respite . Find a plateau of grasses and mystical creatures. A place I create in my soul, a place of quiet connection to Source and peace. Wish we had mountains in Michigan.  Peace all.

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I so often forget that “everything” has spirit behind it.. Pushing it, pulling it, tipping it over, whatever is needed to adjust for the higher good. I see spirit working in others; I can seem see the long distance plan or at least some kind of semblance of a plan. But when it comes to me, I so easily forget. But…. I will learn to “remember”.

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Today, I did something, something about someone else’s life. I did make a difference.

I went to the local grocery store, purchased 10 $5.00 gift cards and then hand them out. I gave $50.00 worth of food or non-perishables to 10 people. I decided to stop focusing on me (at least for this moment). I choose rather to focus on some GOD WORK. I decided to share a smile, share a wee bit of money, and share in a life.

It was great fun. My very good friend and I did this together. He purchased his $50.00 worth also. (Actually, I believe this was his idea).

We walked into the grocery store, and began immediately to hand each person we saw, a gift card. I would say; “here this is for you. Or here… this one must be yours. Or this is a little gift for you.” I did not stick around long enough to see their reactions; I just hurriedly toddled my way back out the door towards the car. My friend however made a few brief connections – enough to see a tear shed and enough to come out beaming with a smile and tears in his own eyes. The whole thing was priceless (no puns intended).

Yet I ponder; is this all about me? I guess…. kinda. I’m not sure if I should feel bad about that or not. Someone said “there are no selfless acts”, I’ve debated that in my head for years. But I have come to the understanding; that it’s true. Everything we do, we get something from it; even if it’s the slightest feeling of joy. And…. that’s not a bad thing. If we can do something that brings all parties some joy, then why the hell not? Makes much sense to me! So, I did it for me as much as the others; maybe even more for me. But I get to have joy too, and what better way to experience that joy than to do a small random act of love made manifest?  I/we liked it!

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